Christmas with kick!

Cocktails of Note: Candy Cane Martini

It's Christmas time!  (Please note, it's not the "Holidays" as I am neither a member of the ACLU nor the governor of Rhode Island.)  In honor of the birth of the Savior of Mankind, I offer you a new way to drink alcohol... and it's not eggnog.  

So it's time for THE CANDY CANE MARTINI, a drink designed to remind you of that tasty hard candy that's either a shepherd's crook, or a "J," or just a hard piece of candy to make your breath smell better under the mistletoe (I'm talking to you Richard Dawkins).  

Now, I know what you're thinking, "Candy Cane Martini?  That's easy!  Vodka, Peppermint Schnapps, shake, pour, done!"  Sorry, but that's a Peppermint Martini.  Nothing wrong with it.  Peppermint is tasty, but it's not quite like a candy cane.  To truly capture the Candy Cane Martini follow the recipe below:

1/2 ounce Vodka
1/2 ounce Absolut Peppar or Pepper Vodka (click here to infuse your own)
1 ounce Sambuca
1 ounce White crème de mente
1 ounce White crème de caacao
1 miniature candy cane

Combine all the alcoholic beverages in a shaker half filled with cubed ice (not crushed).  Shake for a count of 30.  Pour into a cocktail glass.  Sip very slowly.  Basically, one of these should last for all twelve days of Christmas (that's everything from Christmas to January 6th or the Epiphany- the day traditionally accepted as the arrival of the wise men to witness the incarnation of Christ).

This drink is probably best after or during a hardy meal, like this Marinated Brisket.

This being Cocktails of Note, and this being a Christmas drink, then, it stands to reason, that the recommended album should be a Christmas Album.  Now here's the debate:  Do you go with something classic (i.e. Bing Crosby), a smooth jazz rendition (Diana Krall), or something
 different?

After much debate, I have decided to recommend the brand new Queen and King of the Hipster set's Holiday Album, "A Very She & Him Christmas."

If you haven't heard of She & Him, it is a duo band consisting of Zooey Deschanel (best known for her new series New Girl, or my personal favorite (500) Days of Summer.)  

M. Ward also has a fantastic solo album entitled Hold Time.  Their voices together are most reminiscent of the harmonies of The Carpenters, and if you don't know who they are then get out!  Stop reading my blog, because nothing I say will be relevant to you.  OR...go to Amazon and pay $10 for their singles album. 

The She & Him album is inspired by such seminal Christmas albums as rendered unto us by The Beach Boys and Elvis Presley.  If you're looking to "Rock Around the Christmas Tree" this is not the album for you (although it is on here).  It's a quiet, intimate album; something to listen to as you smile warmly at the ones you love.  


Musically, their rendition of "Christmas Day" is the type of song you don't hear too often, and its crisp opening and then multi-layered chorus just begs you to sit back in a recliner, take a long pull on your Candy Cane Martini and watch the kids put together a puzzle.  

(Wait...you don't have the Christmas Puzzle Tradition?  You know, the day after Thanksgiving you bust out the latest Christmas themed puzzle and put it together over the next few weeks.  Was that just my family?  You don't do that?  Huh.  Weird.)


Meanwhile, "Jingle Bell Rock" is the least grating of all versions of this song, and is perfect for sharing this martini with a group.  For a gender switch the 2/4 time version of "Baby, it's Cold Outside" where M. Ward is trying to shake off the advances of a sly Zooey Deschanel provides a quick tempo rock that's perfect for slamming the last of your martini and asking "what's in this drink?"

Still, for my money, it's Zooey singing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas."  This version makes me want to sit on my couch with my dozing lover snuggled on my right side, while I cradle my drink on my left.  The lights are low, and the tree glows with lights illuminating every ornament hung with love.  Does it really get any better?

Merry Christmas and thanks for drinking,


The Giant

A Beautiful Depiction of the Fantastical imagination of a Chilhood Innocence... No wait, it's a Terrifyingly Accurate Portrayal of the Selfishness of Youth

Books I've Never read (But Everyone else has):

Peter Pan

Peter Pan is a classic tale of childhood whimsy that sparks the imagination of young and old alike; a fairy tale that captures our desire to stay young forever.  A tribute to the adventurous nature of boys.  At least that's what everyone says whose experience with this story involves seeing Disney's animated film once when they were seven, or are a proclaimed expert on J.M. Barrie because they saw Finding Neverland.

When one actually reads Peter Pan, the stand-out theme of the story is "Children, for all their wide-eyed wonder, are mean, selfish, prats and growing up is actually a good thing!"  For being a story about fairies, pirates, Redskins (yeah, I said it), mermaids, boys who play with (and kill each other) with swords, magical flight, and a reasonably intelligent dog/nursemaid (roughly the same intelligence as a member of the Senate) it is a remarkable honest story.


To say the story revolves around Peter Pan is an understatement.  The WORLD revolves around Peter Pan.  "Feeling that Peter was on his way back, the Neverland had again woke into life.  We ought to use the pluperfect and say wakened, but woke is better and was always said by Peter" (Barrie 51).  

Neverland is literally slumbering while Peter, the ostensible spirit of youth, is gone.  No matter how you feel about Barrie's prose (which I found to be quite self-conscious and distracting at first, but eventually adding to the rollicking satire of youth), you have to enjoy the metaphor.  There is a longing in all of us to be "Young at Heart."  Even Jesus (yes, THAT Jesus) implores humanity to have "faith like a child."

 

And we've all met people that are too "grown up."  They have lost that youthful spirit, and it is as if their soul slumbers.  They're missing something.  There's no sense of fun about them.  Beyond a lack of youth, these people often seek to KILL that spirit, much like the story's main villain the magnificently complex Captain Hook. 

In Captain Hook, Barrie presents us with a devious pillager, who wants to KILL LITTLE BOYS (and in fact does, but no one we know so it doesn't matter).  At the same time, Barrie makes it impossible just to "Boo" him every time he appears on stage...er...on the page.  The Freudian analysis Barrie provides of why Captain Hook does what he does makes him almost sympathetic (until we remember that he wants to KILL LITTLE BOYS!).  Again the metaphor is brilliant.  Hook had such a terrible and painful childhood that the only path that his twisted mind can see toward happiness is to decimate the very embodiment of the boyish spirit.

So, everyone loves Peter Pan, because he represents the very best qualities of childhood, right?  Well, that's why well intentioned parents drag their children to the theatre, to see this play.

(Which is odd, because while parents always ask, "Did you like the play?" the child always responds, "Mm-hmm.  Why was Peter Pan a girl?")  However, J.M. Barrie would be, at best, ambivalent toward Peter Pan.  For every time that Peter comes to the rescue there is a moment where he completely disregards the fate of his "friends" until the very last second.  He also constantly demands to be praised for his cleverness whenever he does something laughable.  He is a child.  A beautiful, angry, selfish child that needs coddling and wants to be left alone.  

Peter Pan is not an ideal of childhood, but childhood itself.  No one can put this better than Barrie himself.  He closes Peter Pan with, "When Margaret grows up she will have a daughter, who is to be Peter's mother in turn; and thus it will go on, so long as children are gay and innocent and heartless."

This book is not what I expected (despite having read it when I was nine).  It is enchanting, sad, frustrating, beautiful, and delightful.  If you want a fun version of the book without having to actually...you know... read, I recommend the 2003 film version staring Jason Isaacs of Harry Potter fame. 

 

Thanks for reading,

The Giant

The Giant Returns

New Season, new changes, and Perhaps More Consistency

Hello my many fans in cyberspace...or the 12 of you followed this blog for a few few months.

First off, I want to apologize for my extended hiatus.  I had to finish a couple of other projects, and this blog just fell by the wayside.  It was unprofessional, lazy, and entirely my fault.  I apologize.  

Second off, that can't be right, soooo,  "B!" It is my intention to make this blog a biweekly.  So I'll be writing in it twice a week. OW!  Sorry, I just got slapped by Webster and remembered that biweekly means every other week. OW!  That was Oxford, and apparently, it means both.  So, I mean every 2 weeks there should be a new "column"-like blog. 

Three - I am going to have to back off the reviews of books that I've never read (but that everyone else has).  I just can't get through a classic book every month, while trying to read several other books at the same time.  Those reviews will still appear, but they're not going to be consistent.  Sorry.


Finally, the blog will appear on over the weekend (Fridays through Saturdays).  So if you check this out on Mondays there will be nice shiny blog post.


That's all the news that is fit to print. 

Hope you'll keep reading.

The Giant
(Giant?  Seriously, I'm not even that big)

Pigs are Funny OR Never Trust a Bunny

Movie Commentaries you have to hear: Hoodwinked!

If you’re looking to have the Jungian undertones that are layered within the collective subconscious of society as its individuals view the tumultuous fairy tale film Hoodwinked!  Explained to you in the commentary of said film…well, you’re out of luck.  

If you’re looking for a good time, with a lot of laughs, and more movie references than a Mel Brook’s script directed by Quentin Tarantino and starring Simon Pegg, then you've hit the Jackpot!

 

The Commentary features Director-Screenwriter Cory Edwards, Co-Director-Screenwriter-Song Writer Todd Edwards, and Co-Director-Screenwriter/Editor Tony Leech.  The insanity of this movie is the brain child of these three mania...er...gentlemen.  You may or may not know that Hoodwinked is, in fact, the first independent animated film.  

(You also may or may not know that Killer Whales are actually the largest breed of dolphin, and technically not a whale.  That has nothing to do with the review, but the phrase "you may or may not know" can basically be applied to anything that may, or may not be true.)  

Edwards, Edwards, and Leech (sounds like a sleazy law-firm) ...

had no Mouse statue to bow-down and sacrifice a virgin to (which meant they had more creative control) but they had no money either.  So what did they do?  They relied on story and creativity (What a concept!)  

The commentary is fantastic.  It bounces between how story-ideas were developed, anecdotes about working with the likes of Anne Hathaway...

Glenn Close...

and Jim Belushi

and tons and tons and TONS of movie references.   The track is also full of self-referential/deprecating jokes which straddle the line between tooth-grinnin' funny and annoying.  You definitely get the feeling that you're hanging out with a group of guys that "get it."  They get each other, they get that they're 30+ year old men giving commentary on a "kids" movie, and that "the biz" can be incredibly rewarding (like watching an 8 year-old proclaim "I knew it was the Bunny!") but is usually bizarre and frustrating.  

My favorite moments include the "clarification" that the filmmakers were making no statements regarding police officers when they had the Three Little Pigs dressed as Cops.  "Pigs are Funny."  That was all they had in mind.  And you know what?  Pigs are funny.

The other gag that I enjoyed were Cory's references to the stunts all being done in CGI...If you don't get that joke, don't worry.  There was an actually critic that wrote a review of Hoodwinked! that referenced the great stop-motion animation.

The best part of this commentary however, is the DRINKING GAME that I invented to along with it!  

There is only one rule:  Every time a Film reference is made (even vaguely) by Edwards, Edwards, or Leech you drink.  I recommend 1/4 shots of vodka (my D.o.C.) or just sips of beer.  Either way...it'll be interesting.  Here is a list of the film references that I noticed (I'm excluding TV and it's probably best if Looney Tunes is only counted once):


Please note the variety of films being referenced...


The Lion King
Heat
The Thin Man

Batman the Movie (Starring Adam West...Shark Repellent Lives)

Wallace and Grommit
Kill Bill

The Incredibles
Fletch

The Incredible Mr. Limpet
Beverly Hills Cop
Wizard of Oz
Star Wars
Swingers

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Rashomon
A Christmas Story
The Squid and the Whale
Napoleon Dynamite
Polar Express
Hustle and Flow
Memento

The Sixth Sense
Jurassic Park
The Lords of Dogtown

Better Off Dead
The Untouchables

The Fugitive
The Matrix
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Van Damme & Segal movies (I'm going to call it Hard Target and Under Siege)
Mission: Impossible
Chocolat
Magnolia
Munich


Holy Crap!  It's only a 71 minute movie... DO NOT PLAY THIS DRINKING GAME!


Overall, I give this Commentary 4 Hoods out of 5. 

Thanks for watching,

The Giant

There are no more Heroes

"God... What is the Deal?"
Superman Has Left the Building

Superman has renounced his American citizenship.  

In Superman 900, the "Man of Steel" stands before the U.N. and states, "Truth, Justice, and the American way.  It's just not big enough anymore."  He then renounces his American citizenship.

I have grown up reading Superman comics.  He is my favorite Superhero.  In an age where fanboys and comic geeks turned to darker fare, and an era when people denounce the Man of Steel for being a "Big Blue Boy Scout," I have always defended Superman.  We need a beacon of goodness.  We need someone who has values that are ideal and unique; someone who is willing to lay his life down for those values.

In renouncing his American Citizenship, Superman is renouncing the quintessential American values.  What are these values?  What exactly is he renouncing?  Supes, look at a coin.   

There are our values: "Liberty," "E Pluribus Unum," and "In God we Trust."  These values are unique to America.  No other country in the history of the world has lifted up these values.  Are they so bad, so awful, or so profoundly immoral (or at least amoral) that Superman must separate himself from them?

Is it Liberty?  Does Superman believe that people should not be free to live their own lives or shape their own destiny?  Does he believe that people should be able to walk down the street without fear of being snatched off the street and flung into torture camps?  Does he feel that an individual, through a combination of talent, hard work, and (yes) luck shouldn’t be able to improve his lot in life?

Perhaps it’s “E Pluribus Unum,” or “From Many One,” which Superman simply cannot stand.  Obviously, the idea that people of multiple cultures can come together to help each other build a community and to take strength from that community appalls the Man of Steel.  Wait, that doesn’t sound right.  Is he angry that America doesn’t hold up this ideal to its perfection?  I thought that’s why he chose to take on the mantle of Superman.  To be (pardon the religiosity of the expression) “light to the world.”  

Does he not realize that the value of “E Pluribus Unum” is antithetical to human nature?  Has he learned nothing by from being around human beings for so long?  Racism and Xenophobia are nothing to be proud of, and they represent the basest aspects of humanity.  However, they are aspects to be overcome and can only be overcome by holding a value such as “E Pluribus Unum” in highest, almost sacred, regard.  Then again, perhaps Boy Blue doesn’t think humanity needs to overcome base instincts.

Still, Superman could have disdain for the most controversial American value, “In God We Trust.” 

After all, Superman flies, stops trains, sees through objects, possesses freezing breath, super-sonic hearing, etc. etc. etc.  Superman is for all, intents and purposes, a god.  Yet, as Bruce Wayne noted in Superman/Batman: Public Enemies:

            In many ways, Clark is the most human of us all.  Then… he shoots fire

            from the skies and it is difficult not to think of him as a god.  And

            how fortunate we all are that it does not occur to him.

If Superman doesn’t think he’s a god then, just maybe, he believes humanity to be doing perfectly fine without God.  I mean, did not Jor-el implore Superman (regarding the human race), “They can be a great people, Kal-el, if they wish to be?”  Perhaps, Superman took this to mean they can be great on their own.  Of course Jor-el didn’t think so when he said, “They only lack the light to show the way.    For this reason, above all, their capacity for good, I have sent them you.  My only son.”   

So Superman is to be a “light” to “show the way.”  Excellent! This is what all great moral teachers do.  Confucius, Jesus, Martin Luther, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Pope John Paul didn’t bring a “new morality” but reminded people of the morality and ethics that they had forgotten.  Philosophers that suggested a new morality either killed themselves (Nietzsche) or EVERYONE ELSE (Hitler and Karl Marx).

And where did this morality, this ethical code, come from?  God.  Of course God.  It’s the morality of God that compelled Jefferson (along with Adams and Madison, by the way…Jefferson physically wrote the Declaration of Independence probably because he had the nicest handwriting) to write, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.”

It seems to me that Superman would in fact agree with the ideas of America’s Founding Fathers, especially regarding God.  Superman, undoubtedly believes in the capacity of mankind for good (as do I, as did Jesus), but he would acknowledge that to actually do the good for which man has a capacity is a struggle.  It is something man must work for, as John Adams states in a letter written on October 11, 1798, “Greed, ambition, revenge, sexual compulsions are each able to break the strongest cords or our Constitution in the same way a whale goes through a net.  In other words, our [United States] Constitution was only for a moral and religious people.”  Surely in 70 years of constantly fighting evil forces from Lex Luthor,

to Metallo, 

to Parasite, 

Superman must have come to the same conclusion as John Adams.  The vices of mankind can destroy the most idealistic of morals, if God is not moving within the people attempting to sustain such morals.

Then again, Big Blue could just be disturbed by the tedious merging of church and state that “In God We Trust” inherently brings with it.   

Well I hope he can be comforted by Benjamin Franklin, perhaps the least religious founder of them all, who said to the chairman of the 1789 Constitutional Convention:

“I have lived, Sir, a long time, and the longer I live, the more convincing

proofs I see of this truth: That God governs in the affairs men.  And if a

sparrow cannot fall to the ground without His notice, is it probable than and

empire can rise without his aid?  We have been assured, Sir, in the sacred

writings [the Bible], that ‘except the Lord build the House, they

labor in vain that build it.’  I firmly believe this; and I also believe that without

His concurring aid we shall succeed in this political building no better than

the Builders of [the tower of] Babel.”

I mean, can Superman really be that disturbed by faith in a God that says, “Love your neighbor as yourself, and do to other as you would that others should do to you,” which is what John Adams wrote in his diary on August 14, 1796, followed by the words, “which brings good to everyone.”  This Golden Rule, as we have come to call it, is uniquely part of the Judeo/Christian value system; the value system America is founded upon.

So what, then, is Superman’s problem with the “American Way?”  I doubt he has any serious objections to any of these values.  I must conclude that he has forgotten these values.  You see, the amazing thing about the “American Way” and the reason that Superman in the 30’s and 40’s wanted to stand for the “American Way” was that it wasn’t just the best HOPE for America.  It was the best HOPE for the world.  If the world follows in America’s footsteps, valuing Liberty, from many one, and to trust in God, then it can step out of the darkness that humanity is mires itself in, and it can become “the great people that we wish to be!”

It is my sincere hope that Superman will remember that he stands for Truth, Justice, and the American Way.