So this is basically my "Potpurri" (can I talk about "Manly" things and say potpurri in the same blog? It doesn't seem right...oh well). Usually this is the Ultimate Issues segment of my blog where I post about Humanity, God, Politics, that kind of thing.
Being a man today is difficult (not that being a woman is easy, but that's another issue for another blog). We're supposed to be sensitive but strong; work hard, make money and put your family first by not working so hard; We're not supposed to look at a woman in a short skirt and high heels...unless she wants us to, and then if we don't we've usually offended her. We do worse in school. We don't go to college as much (2 out of 3 college students are women). We commit suicide 4 to 8 times as often as women depending on which study you read.
Part of the reason that life is so tough for men now-a-days is that men don't know that they're men. We haven't DONE the things that men do (Remember, men define themselves by what they DO.) that tell the world, "I'm a man." Erego, I humbly submit the following list of 10 things every male must do as a Man, part 1.
1. Purchase a tailored suit - A suit tailored to your frame makes you look Good. It will also make you look like a man. Comfort is great, but we are wearing clothes that make us look like blobs of Football Jersey fabric. You're a man not a blob. A tailored suit will remind you when you look in the mirror, "I'm a man!" And you won't forget it when you walk on the street. Men will notice you. Women will notice you. Dogs will notice you (although that has more to do with instinctual territorialism).
2. Grow a beard
Men have hair on their bodies (one of the problems with Emo style is the desire to ignore this fact... but that's a whole other rant). Every Man should grow a beard and keep it for at least 1 month. Some of us can't and it will look crappy. Some of you will grow it for 2 weeks, say "It's itchy" and shave it off. These are weak-willed men. A month is a good amount of time to look at yourself with hair on your face. When you shave the beard off, take a look at your face. You'll notice things about you that you probably never realized. That's the thing about changing something about yourself, especially if it's new and different. Even if its not "you," it will help you define your character and realize what is "you."
3. Get a Straight-Razor shave
Preferably in a Barbershop with an old Barber whose skin is made of leather, mixes his own lather, and has forgotten more sage advice than you'll ever learn. And while the barbershop might be a Mafia front company, that doesn't discount the quality of the shave. Enjoy the PROCESS. The result is great, but the process is the important thing here. Also, if you walk in and there's a guy with wild-hair who looks like a pale Johnny Depp and he's singing: RUN!
4. Build Something - I'm taking about wood and nails and power tools. If you have to weld something even better. It should take a while, it should be difficult, and when you're done it'll be something you can use: Hutch, bookshelf, cabinet, table, house. If doing it on your own seems overwhelming: volunteer. Schools, Churches, and Community theatres are always looking for people to help build sets for some show or other. You'll be able to build something practical and help build a community as well.
5. Kill and clean an animal, and EAT it - (vegetarians are excluding from eating it) If it's a fish, if its a deer or a bear, every man should do this. You'll appreciate your food more. This is a gross disgusting job, but it has to be done. You'll appreciate life more. You'll understand the power of taking the life of something, and that there is a responsibility that goes along with that power (the best conservationists are hunters and fisherman). You think Native Americans are in touch with nature because they "play nice" with buffalo?
6. Lose a Fight - Every guy should get his butt kicked once. You need to know what it feels like. It hurts.
7. Get in a Fight - There are rules for fighting: 1. Fighting is a last resort. Words are first, but do not buy into that crappy, hippie lie that all conflicts can be solved if we sit down and explain how we feel to each other. Michael grabbed Lucifer by the scruff of the neck and tossed his satanic ass out of heaven. God didn't solve every conflict with words. There are bad men in the world, and the only thing keeping them in line is the force of good men. 2. Don't fight someone that you're guaranteed to beat. You should only get into a fight that you might lose... you know what that feels like, so you'll only fight when a fight needs to happen. 3. Never start a fight. If someone starts a fight with you defend yourself, but never start a fight. 4. If someone is bullying a weaker person...start a fight. 5. Only fight on behalf of others. A man can take an insult. A woman or a child should never have to. 6. Never fight a woman... unless she is an assassin/ninja/x-men. 7. Do not scold/mock your opponent. A warrior (which is what a Man who fights is, a boy who fights is a thug. There are many 30 year old "thugs") uses only courteous words or harsh blows. 8. If you win, tend your opponents injuries. You do not leave a man bleeding on the sidewalk. He fought you, lost, and now knows better. Do him the courtesy of getting to benefit from his new found wisdom.
8. Smoke a Pipe - at least once. Cigarettes are gross, bad for you, and addicting. A cigar is fine, but a Man smokes a Pipe.
Why? Smoking a pipe is a process. You can't just do it willy-nilly. You have to block out a bit of time. You also have to do a bit of work in order to achieve the pleasure that comes from the smell and taste of real tobacco burning. You have to clean the bowl. Clean the pipe. You then have to pack the pipe with real tobacco, preferable from Virginia, without flavor additives. Why? It's real. You then have to smoke the pipe. You'll probably have to pay attention to it in order to keep it lit. So why is smoking important? We'll it's a little risky. A Man takes risks... acceptable risks, but risks.
9. Take a Road Trip
You should travel at least 500 miles. You should have a destination, but not be in a hurry to get there. You can have a map, but no GPS. If you get lost FIGURE IT OUT. I recommend a buddy. Stop at places that seem interesting (fun, bizarre, shady). Do not eat at chain restaurants. Look around you as you drive. Talk to your friend. Shut up occasionally and just be "On the Road." Bring Jerky, apples, and Charleston Chew.
10. Change a Tire - A Man can call Triple A for this... but shouldn't have to. Besides getting grease on you fingers is sexy.
What's sexier? Having an emergency (getting a flat), rising to the occasion (changing the flat), and overcoming the crisis (getting back on the road). One day you might get laid off from work, your Dad might die (God Forbid), your kid tells you she hates you. Something will happen that will shake you to your foundation. When that happens remember, "I can change a tire on a car. With a little luck, prayer, and help I can probably change the tire for this too."
