This will be my most controversial post ever. I'm sure that about 15% of the women who see the title will not even read this because I'm a man and have no right, what-so-ever, to tell women what to do, especially when it comes to things that are "women orientated." They may be correct. (In truth I would say that there are 15% of men who would never read a blog from a woman written for men on what men should do. Those men have a name: Pig.)
But there are 2 points that I would like to make:
1. My goal with these posts is to encourage people toward adulthood. We live in a society that worships youth, encourages holding onto adolescence, and refuses to grow up with such fervency that Peter Pan looks at us and says "DAMN, you're immature." I'm not trying to put women in a box, or limit women in any way. Some women may not enjoy the things I recommend. Do them anyway! At least once. (Not every man will enjoy smoking that pipe.) That's what these "10 Things" posts are about.
2. Women ask men all the time, "What would make you happy?" A decent man's instinctive answer is "Make yourself happy." For whatever reason, women think that a man, with his simple brain, has an ulterior motive or desire. We do not!!! If you are happy, and your man can sit in his bar-ca lounger relaxing for 45 minutes, then he is ecstatic. It is in our interest that you be happy. (I am not saying that a man should not put forth the effort to make a woman happy, but that is the subject of another blog.)
Finally, being a woman isn't easy. We live in a world that pressures women to "want it all, have it all, and have it be perfect," and if you can't... well, then you somehow don't live up to some bizarre societal view that is really a corrupted reaction to the bizarre societal view that women shouldn't have to "worry your pretty little head." So I offer these 10 things as ways to get back to femininity, to remind yourself who you are as a woman, and to encourage you to take your time getting to them. You don't have to have it all, right now.
(The video below has a relevant song from the musical Baby)
Without further ado, I present the list of 10 things every Female should do as a Woman, part 1.
1. Crochet or Knit something - There's something incredibly rewarding about making something with your own two hands. Even if you've never knitted or crocheted there are plenty of books, videos, and people that will help you get started. And most people start by knitting a scarf.
A scarf is something beautiful that you made yourself, and that makes you feel better about yourself (I mean come on; I'm a man and I appreciate the power of a good accessory). Additionally (and perhaps most importantly), knitting and crocheting is something you can do socially. Get a bunch of girlfriends together and work on your projects and talk to each other. I recommend doing this with friends and not with fellow knitters, people you're already comfortable with. The crochet/knit circle is a place where you can help rejuvenate each other. We all go through energy cycles on a daily basis (this is connected to hormone cycles. Check it out.) For men, it's a pretty easy cycle of Work then Relaxation (this is why the last thing he wants is to talk about his day when he gets home. If you really want to take advantage of his cycles, ask him to accomplish something for you first thing in the morning, when his testosterone level is the highest. It'll probably be done by lunch.) For women, it's much more difficult to get energized by relaxing, because, typically, a woman's energizing cycle is a process of Nurture than BEING Nurtured. Hence a knitting/crocheting circle: a place to vent, to laugh, to weep, to encourage, and to make fun clothes that keep you warm.
2. Keep a Diary for at least 6 weeks - Why six weeks? It gives you a goal that's not insurmountable, and it's long enough to teach you to make it habit, if you so desire. A diary allows you to organize your thoughts. How many times have you been upset about something and not really known what it was or why? How many times have you been arguing about dishes and ended up bringing up the futility of the bourgeoisie overthrow during the French Revolution, which only led to greater blood shed by the installation of a tiny dictator (or something less specific)? That's because women are like spaghetti. At least their thoughts are, and spaghetti sauce represents a problem, an issue, or a person. If there's a pile of spaghetti on a plate, can the sauce only touch one noodle? No. Because everything is connected. A diary helps you express yourself. There's no judgment, there's no advice that will be offered by your significant other, there's just you. Remind yourself of who you were during the day. What things about yourself did you like? What things are you ashamed of (DO NOT CONCENTRATE ON THIS)? Be honest. No one's going to read this but you and God, and God probably knows how you're feeling anyway.
3. Get Your version of the Little Black Dress - Take the time to get a dress and coordinate it into an outfit that makes you feel sexy. While the "little black dress" should be a staple of any woman's wardrobe, it should be noted that not all dresses or women are the same. Not every woman is best flattered by black. While, black hides many sins, it might not be your BEST color. Additionally, pay attention to the cuts of the dress. Some women should draw attention to their face, others to the bust, or hips, or legs (without being obvious). To this end, it's important to take an honest stock of your body. What features do you like? This is hard. Women, in general (yes I am making a generalization; you might be the exception...however, you're probably not), have a difficult time saying what they like about their appearance. This exercise will force you to do that. Find something. Don't compare yourself to air-brushed movie-stars or the teenage girl with baby skin who doesn't have enough wisdom to realize that "like" is neither an adjective, verb, or noun. Just, look at yourself.
Above, there are three different body types (ladies of Mad Men). Note the blonde's dress accentuates her thin waist and legs, while the red-head's dress draws your attention to her (a-hem) ample bust and strikingly symmetrical face, and the brunette's dress wraps around to show off a lovely hour-glass figure. Remember that what you wear can change your life, and there are plenty of things out there not to wear.
4. Exercise on a regular basis (at least 3 times a week) - Find a routine that you enjoy and do it. If that's walking/jogging for a mile or two, doing a yoga routine (follow the link), jazzercise, weights, salsa dancing, you name it; find it and do it. It should be something that pushes you a bit. You should be tired or relaxed when you're done. The goal is to feel like you've accomplished something challenging. Do not exercise to lose weight. You won't. Weight loss comes largely from Diet. Exercising will help, but it doesn't help weight loss alone (all those products on TV come with a diet plan; that's how they are legally allowed to make all those outrageous claims). The point of exercising is to release endorphines (sex does this too, so if you want to include your mate in your workout routines, he probably won't object.) These endorphines help you feel better about yourself, not to mention the fact that you're taking care of yourself. As a woman, with your busy life it's important to take time out to tend to your needs. Remember that if all you do is nurture others, without allowing yourself to be nurtured, you'll be drained and cranky. Exercise is a good way to nurture yourself. Also, your husband will appreciate that you're taking care of yourself. He will think, for some reason, that you want to keep yourself in shape for his benefit (Men are stupid. We just are), and if he has any decency in him, he will be grateful for it. Your love life will benefit... and I'm not talking about sex.
5. Have a Spa Day (at least once a year) - I figured I better get back on your good side, oh "Female Reader" so here's something you should do that you would be hard pressed to get angry with me for. Go to a spa. Get a massage. Get a mani-peti. Get a facial. Drink water with cucumbers and lemon in it. Get pampered and refreshed. If you really know what you're doing, call your man and make him draw you a bubble bath, with rose petals, bath salts, and candles. If he doesn't know how to do this (we are intimidated by all the stuff you girls put in water); spend a day and teach him, with the promise that he can get in the bath with you if he does it right. Remember, that you're a woman, and while you might not have it all, a day like this can make you feel like you do. Save up though because it can be pricey (although if you get creative you can do this on the cheap).
6. Live by Yourself - Wait, not Emily Dickinson "closed off from the world" by yourself...
More MTM by yourself. Still social, but with a place to go to that doesn't have a hundred cats. At some point have a taste of independence. Let every decision about how you want to live rest on your shoulders. For those of you who went from your parent's house to marriage, take a week, rent a house, and be alone. I feel as though most women regret not taking the opportunity to "be their own woman." So be it, even for a little while. You'll discover a lot about yourself: Does being alone bother you so much that you're scared of being that girl who has to be social all time? Do you love being by yourself so much, that you're thinking Sartre was right when he said, "Hell is other people?" (Sartre is a jack-ass who died alone by the way). How do you deal with the bills? What do you like to do when no one makes demands on you? What was that noise outside the window? Good thing you took those shotgun firing lessons and keep a baseball bat next to the bed. Make living by yourself a voyage of self-discovery (could I be more cheesy? Probably.)
7. Read a classic book that you wouldn't normally read - Reading a book is one of the most rejuvinating and stimulating things you can do alone. (See, if I was writing this for men there would be snickering because I said "stimulating" and "alone" in the same sentence.) Unlike television and movies, largely passive mediums, you are engaged with the author who is taking you on a journey with them. They require something of you, and it's usually for a long time. The most memorable books are not the ones we cruise through in 45 minutes. Let's face it ladies, don't you want someone to take their time? (I'm going to hell.) Reading something that you wouldn't normally be drawn to, will tax you intellectually, and make you ask, "Why is this a classic? Why has this story spoken to the souls of so many for so long?" "How do I feel about this story?" You don't have to like it, just let yourself experience the give and take of being told a story, that many others have enjoyed. Plus, you'll have something interesting to say at your next cocktail party. Besides, if it's raining outside and you're on the couch with the heat on or a roaring fire, a cup of cocao or glass of wine, and an interesting book, does it get much better? Finally, I don't want all you ladies reading every Jane Austen book ever written and saying that you've read the classics. If you like Austen, read Dickens; if you like Dickens, read Kipling. If you read Verne; read Austen. Although if you haven't read Wuthering Heights... Read that.
8. Perfect a recipe - Every woman should have that thing that you make, which you love and everyone else loves. It doesn't have to be a cheese soufflet. It can be as simple as pepperoni rolls or macaroni & cheese. Even if you cook nothing else. Even if the very thought of a frying pan scares you or believe the idea of a woman cooking is somehow an outdated notion of social norms. Hey, everybody has to eat. It should be something that you like, and that you enjoy watching others take pleasure in as well. There's something about food that brings people together (for better or worse, but the optimist in me says better). When people are together, then, hopefully, there's love. Plus, whenever there's a pot luck you won't have to spend days agonizing over what to bring.
9. Create a space for you - We men have begun taking back a room of the house. We call it the "Man cave." We decorate it how we like, and fill it up with the things we want to surround us (mostly beer and big-ass televisions). Women, I know you decorate the living room, the bedroom, the kid's bedrooms (until they get older and go through that phase where everything has to be Justin Bieber...and they're a 17 year old guy). But these are rooms for you and others. You need a room that's just yours. One that you designed and created. It can be garden, a studio, a library, a craft room, whatever you want; so long as it's a sanctuary for you and your thoughts. It doesn't have to be a whole room. It can be a simple space or area. If you live alone, it can be the bedroom. But make choices about what goes in there. Fill it with your favorite things or objects that inspire you. Try to spend 20 minutes a day there, maybe right before you go to bed. (If it's a craft room, don't worry about always doing a craft. Write in your diary.) It should be a place that calms you; that brings you peace. Claim a space for yourself. Men are doing it. Why can't you?
10. Plan a trip to a cultural center - It doesn't have to be Paris. It can be Topeka, KS. The point is to immerse yourself in a culture and way of living that's not your own. Again, you're making the decisions about where to go and what to see, but don't forget to talk to the people. How do they relate to the world we're in differently than you? What does that tell you about yourself? This trip will help you be independent. You're, making all the decisions. You don't know the territory. People might speak a different language. But you'll have to make your own way. Every woman should learn something about the world. If you don't, trust me you'll regret it (maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow... blah, blah, blah)
Thanks for reading,
The Giant
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